How to Stop Letting Comparison Get You Down
You have probably heard the saying “comparison is the thief of joy” by Theodore Roosevelt.
Thats because it is some of the truest words ever spoken that we can all relate to no matter how many decades have gone past since he originally uttered the words.
The statement is possibly even more relatable now than when he first said it.
The way we have built our lives online sharing our own highlights + being able to glimpse into others, has us comparing ourselves from the moment we pick up our phones, (which for a lot of people is the minute they open their eyes).
I know personally when I was a new mum with my son just a few months old, struggling with the normal issues of broken sleep, self care, self doubt + general figuring things out-ness. I was jumping on Instagram + seeing all these people watching the sunrise posting beautiful stories, as I was walking eyes still half closed straight to the coffee machine (by 6.30am mind you).
It made me feel hopeless, like I had already missed out on so much of life, that I was not doing enough, that I should be better at mornings. Then when a local mum with a son a few weeks younger than mine was sharing the perfect beach side sunrise mornings too, it really got me.
I mentioned how I needed to get up + out earlier to my partner, when he casually mentioned that she’s possibly up so early as her baby isn’t sleeping, that our baby was + that I was giving my self the rest it needed in this season of life.
Lets not tell him he was right, but he sure was.
I wished I had of mentioned this weeks earlier.
I would have saved myself a lot of beating myself up + been able to truely enjoy our slow starts at home.
Comparing yourself to others literally steals away from your ability to feel joy in your own life.
Whether its comparing lifestyle related like things like morning routines, frequent travel, physical things like someone else’s legs, abs, strength, material things like their clothes, car, phone, or their relationships whether intimate, friends or family, allowing yourself to feel like you have less or are less than someone else, is not doing yourself any good.
In fact comparing yourself to others is impacting your wellbeing by…
☀ Lowering your confidence
Continually looking outwards at others rather than inwards to yourself lowers your confidence making you feel unsure of yourself as well as your decreasing your sense of self worth + deservingness to have what you are comparing.
☀ Bringing on depressed feelings
Comparison reduces your ability to feel joy for your self + your own achievements in life. Meaning you experience less pleasure which starts to effect your mental state everyday, amplifying feelings of depression + leading us to find our pleasure in unhealthy ways like someone else’s suffering.
☀ Reducing your ability to trust
Being stuck in a state of comparison hinders your ability to be open + honest about yourself to foster a strength within + trust in yourself that you’re going to be ok. When you lack trust in yourself you have difficulties letting your guard down with others, which then effects your ability to build safety + trust in relationships with others.
☀ Stealing your energy from your own life
When you are constantly comparing yourself to others you are investing your precious time + energy into their lives not your own. Impacting the quality of connection in your relationships, clarity in your mind + effort towards your own goals.
☀ Distorting your view of yourself
The parts you see of another life is the parts they choose to show, so the highlight reel. Without seeing every moment of someones life the parts you are comparing to are essentially false information. For example you might see the shiny new car, but not the massive loan that was needed to get it. The perfect partner buying flowers for his girlfriend, but not the horrible argument before the purchase. The shiny social media but not the missed moments of actual life + connection to people.
I truely believe it’s pretty impossible to just completely stop comparing yourself to others.
But I have a simple philosophy that really helps me + our students to allow the times we do compare ourselves to be realistic, shift our energy + be motivated instead of jealous.
The philosophy is simple,
when you catch your mind comparing yourself + your life to someone else’s,
Ask yourself …
“but would I want all of their life?”
You see it’s easy to say you want one persons house, another persons body, someone else’s relationship to pick + choose the bits you like from different people making yourself feel less than them for not having the same, but would you take on all of it?
~ To have the house with all the perfect perfect on trend styled pieces, do you want yourself or your partner to work the amount of hours they work to pay the mortgage + endless bills that come with it?
~ To have the same body are you willing to train as much as they do or restrict the way you eat + live, weighing food or not enjoying meals with friends?
~ To have the relationship, do you really know them behind the images, how they really treat each other or the sacrifices they make to stay together?
If you could look a little less at others + what they have or don’t have where could you look a little more at yourself + own life.
Where could you direct all that energy?
Because the grass is greener
where you water it.
If you could invest the time you spend looking at other peoples highlights towards your own goals, you would achieve them a lot faster.
If your answer is yes, you would take that persons whole life package, based on actual evidence + fact of every area of how they live, not just what they post.
Then use it as motivation!
Which again means directing your energy towards yourself + your own life.
Set some goals + start taking small action steps daily that align with your bigger picture life vision.
Using this approach “but would I really want all of their life”
has really shifted my processing of my comparisons.
No longer do I feel less than the mums posting their big perfectly styled homes, I feel grateful that we have time for our family everyday to enjoy life together + not be working long hours to cover the mortgage as well as pay for all the things to fill the place.
I feel comfortable slipping my mum tum into high waisted bikinis, as I love slow mornings cuddling in bed over getting up with the sun to hustle to a gym to get my workout in.
I can admire all the beautiful manicures on other women knowing that getting to a Yoga class with my chipped polish fills me up so much more.
So try it!
Make it your mantra as you scroll the internet, chat with friends or look externally at any one else’s life, body or belongings.
“Would I really want all of their life?”
Be gentle on yourself these habits take time, but slowly you will learn how to appreciate yourself + your own life day by day while being able to admire the life someone else has without making it lessen the way you feel about yourself.
To further support yourself along your journey from comparison to appreciation we recommend the following practices -
☀ Start a gratitude journal
Listing 5-10 things you are grateful for everyday helps you to see how much goodness there is in your own life.
☀ Have as much time offline as possible
Taking a day a week ideally, or at least an hour a day to be completely phone free + present in what is happening in your own life, let’s you to enjoy life more fully.
I personally airplane mode my phone from 8pm to 8am every day to let me wind down at night then start my day inside my own life.
☀ Set Goals
Regularly reflect + reset your goals to align with the life you are creating, notice where you are growing + keep going.
You can use our Goal Setting Worksheet to support you.
☀ Use affirmations
I like to set affirmations as reminders in my phone, as well as write them on pretty cards around my home to bring my mind to where it needs to be.
For comparison my favourite affirmations are:
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I have enough. I do enough. I am enough.
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I only compare myself to who I was yesterday.
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I am on the path that is best for me right now.
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I am kind to myself as I learn + grow.
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Always remember ~
A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it,
it just blooms.
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